The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
