im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
