his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
