I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
