Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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