This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
