I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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