Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
