I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
