So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
