I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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