That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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