Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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