before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
