you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize