Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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