I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
