allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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