We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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