I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize