i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize