May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
