u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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