She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
