if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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