it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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