Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
