you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
