Define "chronic" masturbator.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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