mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
