from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
