He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
