So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
