Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize