hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
