no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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