Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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