I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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