fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
