Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize