I cockslap morals
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Floor bacon is actually really good
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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