Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
