Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
