Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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