You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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