apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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