I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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