A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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