Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
