I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
