I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
