Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
