I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
