I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
