Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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