why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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