my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
