I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
