Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
