YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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