Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
