Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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