My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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