fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
