eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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